OCTOBER 2000
	Caregivers of frail seniors also need to take care of themselves By Lisa M. Petsche For Coastal Senior   The societal contribution of informal caregivers often goes unrecognized in our community. Yet these unpaid helpers provide practical assistance and enhance the quality of life for ill older people who might otherwise require placement in a long-term care facility. Typically, they are spouses or offspring; many are seniors themselves. The majority are women. The loved ones they care for have physical or mental impairment (perhaps both) caused by one or more chronic health conditions, with stroke and dementia being most common. The caregiving role involves physical, psychological, emotional and financial demands. It is a heavy load, exacerbated by the limited availability of community support services. But there are rewards for caregivers, too. These may include a closer relationship with the care recipient; increased flexibility, creativity and assertiveness; increased insight into their own strengths and limitations; a general increase in compassion for others; re-thinking of values and priorities; learning to live in the present and appreciate the simple things in life that make it enjoyable. Then, too, there is the satisfaction of knowing they are doing something truly meaningful. The caregiving journey can be a long one, though, and particularly challenging when the elder has heavy hands-on needs, a demanding personality, or mental impairment. A variety of distressing emotions may be experienced along the way, including sadness, grief, frustration, anger, resentment, guilt, anxiety and loneliness. A common phenomenon is caregiver burnout, due to the physical toll of caring for someone who is ill, and the emotional strain of dealing with the suffering and deterioration of a loved one. While a certain degree of stress is inevitable, burnout is a serious matter. Physical warning signs include chronic exhaustion, sleep difficulties, significant weight loss or gain, frequent illness and development of chronic health problems. Emotional red flags are frequent crying; frequent irritation by small annoyances; difficulty controlling one's temper; feeling overwhelmed; a sense of hopelessness; and feelings of inadequacy. In severe cases, burnout can lead to abuse of the care recipient; this signals the need for immediate help. There are many strategies that can help caregivers keep stress manageable, in order to prevent or alleviate burnout: Look after your own physical health: eat nutritious meals, get adequate rest, exercise, see your family doctor regularly. Find something relaxing you can do to give yourself a break, whether it be quietly enjoying a cup of tea, reading something uplifting, writing in a journal, calling a friend or listening to music. Make it a daily habit. Stay connected to friends and outside activities. Seek ways to simplify your life -- set priorities and don't waste time or energy on unimportant things. Accept the reality of the illness -- that there is nothing you can do to stop or reverse it. Recognize that there will be good days and bad days, and what you can give may vary from day to day. Remind yourself that you are doing your best, and are only human. Give yourself permission to feel all of the emotions that surface, including resentment and frustration. Forgive yourself when you lose patience. Take things one day at a time so as not to get overwhelmed. Acknowledge that you can't -- and shouldn't -- do it all alone. Find at least one person (friend, relative, social worker, religious leader) you can talk to openly, who will listen and understand. Talk with other caregivers. Join a community support group (some offer concurrent care), or an online one if it's hard to get out. Find out about respite services in your community, such as day care programs and facilities that offer temporary residential care. Learn as much as possible about the illness and its management, and educate family and friends to help them understand. Accept offers of help, and ask other family members to share the load. (Spouses often try to shield their adult children by not informing them of difficulties, and refraining from requesting assistance.) Be specific about the kind of help you need. Don't promise your loved one you will never place him or her in a long-term care facility, since you don't know what the future holds in terms of disease progression, your own health and other life circumstances. If you think looking out for your own needs is selfish, remember that you can only take good care of your loved one if you take good care of yourself. Lisa M. Petsche is a geriatric social worker and freelance writer.	Seniors Guide Mohawk Trail John Wesley Villas Eastern Furniture Mart

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