By Gail Krueger
For Coastal Senior

Gail Krueger photo
From left: Sue MacDonald, Jo Ann Meier, Carole Rossie and Robin Swift. In front is Queen Mother Susan O. Patton.

To find out more about the Red Hat Society: The national society website is www.redhatsociety.com Contact Queen Mother Susan O. Patton at sopat@aol.com; Contact Queen Mother Peggy May at jpmay@aol.com.

Goups really let down their hair - under a red hat, of course.

Hilton Head Island

Enough already!

Enough of rules, conventions and meetings. Enough of ever-so-serious volunteer organizations with their well-thumbed copies of Robert's Rules of Order. Enough of deadlines. Enough of group projects and mission statements.

Enough -- let's put on our red hats and have tea!

What a phenomenon. A few years ago, Sue Ellen Cooper of Fullerton, Calif., and a couple of her friends took inspiration from the Jenny Joseph poem "Warning.'' They bought a couple of red hats to hang on their walls for decorative fun.

Then, they started wearing them! In totally inappropriate places, of course. They realized that, hey, this is fun. And the Red Hat Society was born. Via the Internet, chapters started springing up like mushrooms after a fall rain -- some 40,000 chapters nationwide. There are at least two chapters on Hilton Head, possibly three.

On this afternoon, the 12 members of the Mad Hatters of Hilton Head Red Hat Society Chapter are checking their hats. Their Queen Mother is Susan O. Patton. The group is meeting at the Atlanta Bread Company to check the lights and gee-gaws on their hats because they intend to march -- in the loosest sense of the word, of course -- in the Bluffton Christmas parade.

It's the most organized thing the chapter has done since they formed in September.

"I thought the Christmas lights would be a good idea, but then I realized to keep the lights on you need batteries,'' Queen Mother Susan says.

In her more worldly life as a clinical social worker in the mental health field and as an independent business owner operating an employee counseling service and mother of three, details like that would have worried Ms. Patton. Queen Mother Susan, however, couldn't give a flip.

"We try not to be too organized,'' she says.

Red Hat Society women are all "of a certain age''-- at least 50. Most have had very serious careers. Some still do. Or they have spent their lives in support of career-bound spouses. They have raised children. They are active volunteers. They have done and are doing all of life's very serious things. But, once in a while, these women don their red hats and, for a few hours, become girly friends again.

"We are getting to be of an age where you want to get back down to basic things like friendships -- there are important things that tend to slip away as you chase a career and raise kids," Susan says. "Now, we are wise enough to get back to basics.''

Susan's Red Hat group started out with a few core members from her church. Now the women are getting to know one another all over again in a much less structured format. And they are adding new members -- today is Carole Rossi's first meeting. She has chosen a red beach hat for the occasion.

It is positively modest compared to Queen Susan's brimmed bonnet trimmed with silk holly, tiny Christmas ornaments and flashing lights that run off a battery pack. JoAnne Meier is teased for showing up in a red ball cap.

The staff at the Atlanta Bread Company knows what they are in for -- the Red Hats are here. Robin Swift, attired in a hat almost as elaborate as Queen Susan's, is trying to negotiate a special Red Hat discount as she pays for a couple of cups of tea. The cashier is not going for it, but the young woman is enjoying herself. "So this is what my mother's like when I'm not around," she seems to say with her eyes.

First Queen Susan has the women sing "Red Hat Society,'' a ditty written by a man (of all things) just for the Red Hat women. It supposed to be sung to a country-western tune, Queen Susan says, but it's hard to tell through the giggling.

The group will sing the song or play it on red and purple kazoos for the parade. They will carry a banner made out of discarded red and white holiday tablecloths -- sort of statement on how these women feel about formal entertaining at this point in their lives.

One of the lines of the song goes "All my life I've done for you, now it's my turn to do for me."

Sue MacDonald passes around a phone number that she believes may be for the mysterious third Red Hat Society on the island -- the various groups have not made contact yet. Sue says wherever she goes, she seem to meet more Red Hat women. "We're everywhere,'' she declares.

Queen Susan said she would like to see more Red Hat groups form all over Hilton Head.

Hilton Head is the sort of place where even the people who have retired are not really retired, she says. They are all very busy as volunteer with lots of meetings and deadlines. Thee Red Hat ladies do not have not deadlines and few meetings.

"From our first meeting in September it took until now to set a day for the next meeting -- today. If we had monthly meetings it would just like everything else so we don't,'' Queen Susan says.

She is thrilled to hear about Peggy May's Ladies of Literacy, another Red Hat Society on the island.

Peggy May, 71, is a contractor for Pro-Literacy Worldwide, an organization that promotes adult literacy. She is charged with accrediting adult literacy volunteer groups to make sure they meet standards. Teaching adults to read is serious business. At times it can be a little too serious.

To add levity, Peggy May started the Ladies of Literacy a few months ago. All the women are literacy volunteers but when they meet as Red Hats, they talk about other things.

"We do a lot of eating and drinking wine. We walk on the beach, we tour Savannah,'' Queen Mother Peggy says.

According to the national Red Hat Society website, there are no rules for Red Hat groups, only strong suggestions. You don't even have to wear a red hat. In fact today's meeting of the Mad Hatters is red hat optional but most members wear one You don't even have to be 50 to join -- but if you are not, your hat should be pink, your dress lavender instead of purple.

Most groups are open to new members -- like the Mad Hatters. Some, like the Ladies of Literacy, are closed. It's not so much to keep people out, as it is to encourage groups of women friends to form their own chapters. Motherly advice is always available from other groups -- sometime even when it's not wanted.

The chapter leader is usually called Queen Mother but Queen Bee will do.

Life, particularity life at this age, is to be celebrated and the conventions that ruled the earlier years are to be flaunted, says Queen Mother Susan. And Red Hat groups are just one way for women to do that. Friends are more important than anything now, she says. Yes, it is a support group, but let's not get so serious as to call it that.