By C. Nancy Wallace
For Coastal Senior

"When it's time..."

The statement can be ominous indicator of impending, unwanted change. It implies we will deal with an issue at a later point, when we can no longer ignore that which will cause changes in the way we live our day-to-day existence. When it's time...to have children, to put the kids through college, to retire, to find care for an elderly parent or spouse or friend.

That last issue is looming large for more and more people.

Americans are living longer than ever. In the past few decades our life expectancy has increased dramatically. In 1935 President Roosevelt instituted the Social Security program when people typically lived to be 65 years old. Now, in the year 2001 the average person can anticipate living to be an average 77 years old. This increase has meant an increased burden on the children of the elderly as well as the financial institutions of this country as people are living into greater old age and requiring care for years rather than months.

Many older Americans want to continue the lifestyle to which they are accustomed. Moving to a retirement community may be a welcome option for those who have lived in apartments or have led busy social lives. It may prove a difficult choice for those who have had few friends and relied primarily on their spouse to meet their needs. These people may be reluctant to share their problems and declining abilities with anyone, and may attempt to live independently even though their safety may be in jeopardy.

It is very difficult to know when to intervene with a loved one. You may be concerned for an elderly neighbor who rarely leaves their home. It may be that you are responsible for elderly parents. It is possible you have concerns for your own well being as you realize you are not able to manage your day to day life as well as you did even a year ago.

The following suggestions are ways to help you find out how another person is functioning. These are merely some guidelines you may want to explore as you make a decision about what to do about your concerns. This is not to say you need to do all of the suggested items, and you will of course want to modify the suggestions according to your own unique style and the individual about whom you are concerned.

1. Check the cabinets and refrigerator to be sure the person is eating. Although meals are brought to the person, they may go uneaten.

2. Eat a meal with the person in their home at least once a month to be sure they know how to work the microwave, garbage disposal, and they properly cook and store food.

3. Make sure they can call an unfamiliar phone number. Can they reach you at a friend's house?

4. Is the person bathing properly. Check the tub/shower area to see if the soap is getting smaller. Check for safety mats on the floor of the tub/shower.

5. Are bills being paid properly? Take the person to the grocery and see if they can still manage cash, money cards or checks.

If problems are noted in these areas, getting help in the home may be necessary.

Often the elderly person will deny their difficulty in certain areas when confronted with facts and evidence. However, providing a solution frequently helps to soften the blow. In addition, timing and concern help to gain cooperation.

An example is: "I noticed when we were at the grocery store you had a hard time writing the check. I am worried someone may try to take advantage of you where your money is concerned. May I help balance your check book and take the bills to the post office for mailing every month?"

This statement shows concern rather than belittling the person as being incompetent. It begins with specific behavior noticed by you and is followed by a concrete example of why you believe this behavior is a problem. A solution is then provided so that the person does not have to guess what you want them to do about it. Now, they may not like your solution, so be ready to negotiate and modify your solution to a remedy that is acceptable to the elderly person.

The following is a partial list of different levels of assistance available to people that is provided in individuals' homes. Services can be found listed in the Yellow Pages, or you may want to get recommendations from someone you know or a health care professional. Different agencies may have different guidelines as to which tasks will be provided. Be sure to let the agency staff know the exact needs of the individual.

1. Companion or sitter: Keeps the person company and may attend to light tasks such as answering the door or phone.

2. Meals on Wheels: Provides a hot meal once a day to those who qualify.

3. Homemaker Assistance: Help with house cleaning, cooking, possibly shopping and/or errands.

4. Home Health Aide: Can provide personal care such as bathing and dressing.

5. Licensed Professional: Nurses, Physical, occupational, or speech therapists, social workers. Services typically provided because of a medical reason and a doctor's order is needed.

C. Nancy Wallace, LMSW, is a Master Social Worker and practices psychotherapy in Savannah. Her office number is (912) 447-0230.